10 Things I Hate About You. Star Trek: Picard Season 3 Edition

Hold on to your communicators, folks, because we've got a list of ten things that we just can't get enough of in Season 3 of Star Trek: Picard. (Note the sarcasm there.)

1. The Analog Starship

Ah, yes, the first item on our list of "favorites" from Season 3 of Star Trek: Picard: the Enterprise-D is referred to as "analog" in the year 2401. I mean, who needs advanced digital technology when you can just stick with the outdated stuff, right? After all, it's not like we've made any technological advancements in the past 400 years or so.

It's just so believable that in the year 2401, a starship like the Enterprise-D would still be using technology that's considered "analog". You know, because we all love it when science fiction shows ignore basic concepts like technological progress and consistency. Who cares if it doesn't make any sense that a ship from the 24th century is still using outdated technology? It's not like we're supposed to be immersed in a believable and consistent universe or anything.

And let's not forget the fact that the show doesn't bother to explain why the Enterprise-D is still using analog technology in the first place. Is it because the ship is old? Is it because the Federation has regressed technologically? Who knows? Who cares? It's not like we need explanations for things like this. We'll just chalk it up to lazy writing and lack of attention to detail.

2. Night at the Fleet Museum

The Fleet Museum has only two people staffing it and no visitors. Because who needs a staff when you can just leave a massive museum unattended and hope for the best? And why bother with visitors when the museum is just too huge and impressive to be appreciated by mere mortals?

It's not like museums require a lot of maintenance, care, and attention to detail. And why bother having visitors when you can just let a huge, empty museum gather dust? I'm sure that's what all those museum curators and employees would love to hear.

3. How old is Jack Crusher, really?

Number three: Ed Peelers is 35 years old playing a 25 year old character. Because nothing says "believable character development" like casting someone who's clearly too old for the role they're playing. But hey, maybe time travel is involved somehow? Or maybe the show just doesn't care about basic things like casting.

4. The USS Enterprise-G, only 19 letters to go ...

Number four: the USS Titan is renamed the USS Enterprise-G instead of being named after Picard. Because why name a ship after the show's titular character when you can just reuse a name that's already been used multiple times before? And who needs creativity when you can just recycle old names and call it a day?

It's not like the USS Titan had any history or significance to Captain William Riker and his crew, right? It's not like they risked their lives and fought battles in that ship or anything. No, let's just take away the significance of that ship and rename it to something else entirely. Brilliant!

And let's not forget the fact that naming the new ship the USS Picard would have made perfect sense, given the show's premise and focus on Captain Jean-Luc Picard. But no, let's just ignore that logical choice and go with the Enterprise-G, because why not?

5. Ode to Liam Shaw

Number five: Captain Liam Shaw is killed off in a meaningless way. Because who needs a satisfying conclusion to a character's story arc when you can just kill them off for shock value? And why bother with meaningful deaths when you can just have characters die in a quick and easy way?

Captain Liam Shaw was a promising character with a lot of potential, but instead of giving him a proper story arc and a meaningful death, the writers decided to just kill him off in a way that felt cheap and lazy. It's not like they could have explored his character more, or given him a heroic sacrifice that would have added to the overall story. No, let's just kill him off and move on.

And let's not forget the fact that the show never really gave us a reason to care about Captain Shaw in the first place. He was barely even introduced before he was killed off, so his death felt like nothing more than a plot device. What a waste of a character!

6. Who needs a crew when you have Geordi?

Number six: Geordi rebuilds the USS Enterprise-D over the past 20 years like it's no big deal. Because restoring an old Camaro in the garage is totally the same thing as rebuilding a massive starship. And why bother with realistic portrayals of technological advancement when you can just handwave it away with no explanation?

Sure, rebuilding an old Camaro in your garage might be a fun hobby, but restoring a starship is a whole different ballgame. The Enterprise-D was a massive, state-of-the-art vessel, and yet somehow Geordi La Forge was able to rebuild it all on his own, with seemingly no resources or support. And he did it in just 20 years, which is just a blink of an eye in starship terms.

But hey, why let pesky things like logic and believability get in the way of a good story, right? It's not like the audience needs a plausible explanation for how Geordi was able to rebuild the Enterprise-D. Just throw in a few technobabble explanations and call it a day.

7. If it weren't for those damn "Borg" kids!

Number seven: the show creates a generational war between the Borg "kids" and the "Old-Generation". Because who needs nuanced and complex conflicts when you can just have a simple, black-and-white "us vs. them" scenario? And why bother with character development or meaningful storytelling when you can just pit characters against each other for no reason?

The show's writers apparently thought it was a good idea to create a conflict between Millennials and Baby Boomers.  Only people under 25 years old man the bridges of startships with captains over 60 years old.  I guess you need the younger kids around to explain how Borg TikTok works.

But let's be real here, this conflict felt forced and contrived. It's not like there weren't any other conflicts that could have been explored in the Star Trek universe. Instead, the show decided to just create a generational divide for the sake of drama. And to top it all off, the resolution to this conflict was also rushed and unsatisfying.

8. Crew?  What crew?

Number eight: six people operate a Galaxy class starship meant for a crew of over 1,000. Because who needs a proper crew when you can just have a handful of people do the job of hundreds? And why bother with realism or believability when you can just handwave away basic logistical concerns?

The show's writers apparently thought it was a good idea to have just six people operate a ship that requires a crew of over 1,000. This includes everything from navigation, to engineering, to tactical operations, to medical emergencies, and everything in between. And yet somehow, this small team of six people was able to handle all of it with ease.

But let's be real here, this portrayal of starship operations is beyond unrealistic. It's not like the audience needs a plausible explanation for how this small team of six people was able to handle all of these tasks.  Six old, retirees can do the work of an entire crew.  Why do you let them retire anyway?

9. Ghosting is a thing in the year 2401

Number nine: Picard leaves Laris in the first episode and never references her again. Because who needs consistency in character relationships when you can just forget about characters altogether? And why bother with meaningful relationships or emotional depth when you can just drop characters like hot potatoes?

In the first episode of the season, we were introduced to Laris, a Romulan housekeeper who had been working for Picard on his vineyard in France for years. The two shared a close relationship, with Laris even serving as a confidante for Picard.

But then, something strange happened. After the first episode, Laris disappeared from the show completely. There was no explanation, no follow-up, no mention of her whatsoever. It was as if she had never even existed.

This complete lack of continuity and character development is just one of the many examples of the show's lazy storytelling. It's not like the audience needed any closure or resolution with Laris's character. Just forget about her completely and move on to the next plot point, right?

10. Rome wasn't built in a day, but a Spacedock?

Number ten: the show rebuilds Spacedock in less than one year. Because who needs realistic portrayals of construction timelines when you can just have things magically appear out of nowhere? And why bother with basic common sense when you can just do whatever you want for the sake of plot convenience?

In the season's final episode, we see the Enterprise-G (formerly the USS Titan) docked at Spacedock, which has apparently been completely rebuilt after being destroyed less than a year ago. This is no small feat, as Spacedock is a massive facility that is crucial to the operation of Starfleet's fleet.

And yet, we're supposed to believe that this massive reconstruction project was completed in less than a year?

Bonus.  Ensign Crusher, what do you think I should do?

Ensign Jack Crusher's unexplained position as "special counselor to the Captain". I mean, who needs consistency in rank and position when you can just handwave it away with some convenient plot device, right?

In the season's second episode, we are introduced to Ensign Jack Crusher, who apparently serves as "special counselor to the Captain". Now, this is a bit confusing, as Ensign Crusher is a relatively low-ranking officer and it's unclear why he would be serving in such a high-level position.

Furthermore, Ensign Crusher's position is never really explained or elaborated upon in the show. We never see him actually counseling anyone, let alone the Captain. And yet, he seems to be treated as a valued member of the crew, despite being a relatively new and untested officer.

Ensign, shut up and get me a cup of coffee!

Ah, Season 3 of Star Trek: Picard. Truly a masterclass in sarcasm and lack of attention to detail.